Thursday, June 4, 2020
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I went to a flag football game just a few weeks ago for 8 and 9 year olds and sat behind 2 mothers. Their conversation was more entertaining than the game itself, which says a lot because I think that game was filled with more comedy than ESPN’s top 10 bloopers of the week.

Here is how the conversation went:

Mom 1: “Hi, I kind of like these early afternoon games; It gives us more time to sleep in, relax in the morning, and get some things done around the house”.

Mom 2: “We love them too, but we spend our extra free time reviewing last week’s game film, working on his mistakes and his reads of the defensive schemes, and then getting some rest time in before the big game.

Mom1: “Oh yea. Well we try to do a little of that too. We were going to play a little catch this morning but the dog tore the ball up last night. Hey, which one is yours out there?”

Mom 2: “Ian, he’s number 10. He’s the quarterback. He has a quarterback passer rating of 95.6. Eli manning’s is only 82.3. It would be higher but 3 weeks ago, that tall thin kid, number 22 missed 3 of his passes, in and out of his hands. Last season he ended the season with a 103.8-passer rating, 158.3 is perfect. So he needs some extra work. So, which one is yours?”

Mom 1: “Clayton, number 22… I’m not seeing him right now… oh there he is, at the water jug.”

Mom 2: “What position does he normally play?”

Mom 1: “Well, sometimes he gets in front of the other team when they charge in at your son, sometimes he is the guy who cheers really loud while standing next to the coach, and sometimes he is the guy who runs after the other team and pulls their flag off. I kind of get it all mixed up sometimes.

Mom 2: “Oh, so he goes both ways?”

Mom 1: “Huh?”

Mom 2: “Ian would play outside linebacker on defense, but we really can’t afford the risk of injury to his throwing arm on an end sweep. Hey, did you see that quarterback option end sweep that Ian ran 2 weeks ago?

Mom 1: “I would have really wanted to have seen that, but when I’m not changing this little one’s diaper I’m running after the other ones who run to the playground every chance they can get. Is Ian having fun?”

Mom 2: “Are you kidding me, he’d better be having fun. He is on pace to break the all time passing yards for third graders. That was a hard statistic to find, but I found it. Does Clayton like it?”

Mom 1: “He loves it, especially all his new friends. He really had fun at the slumber party last night. I didn’t think that these boys could eat so much pizza and ice cream. I don’t remember seeing Ian there.”

Mom 2: “No, never on a game night. After his review of today’s game plan, it was just enough time for some “carb” loading, a protein drink and then an early bedtime. He was a little concerned about that new “45 Z slot back right flare” play that they put in last week, so we needed him to get some extra sleep. He has a hard time sleeping when he is worried about running certain plays against a team with a blitz package. How does Clayton handle the pressure of an undefeated season?”

Mom 1: “Oh wow, I didn’t know that they were undefeated.  But did I mention the fun game of capture the flag they had last night at the party? I wonder if they slept at all last night.

Mom 2: “Thank goodness for the sports psychologist!

Mom 1: “Are you coming to the swim party after the game?”

Mom 2: “No, we can’t make it today, we always go over the game film while things are still fresh in his mind. And Ian has a lesson at the speed-training center. Oh look, no way, that skinny number 22 kid dropped another pass.

Mom 1: “Yeah, I know the feeling. We have a busy day too. After the swim party we have a few more chores to do and then go shopping for a new football. It was nice talking with you.”

Mom 2: “Yeah…. sorry, who did you say your kid was again?”

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